2.12.11
23.8.11
Slience is not Gold.
Seriously!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? I have no problem talking to anyone- mom, bro, friends, friends' parents, other adults, other kids, strangers- Everyone!! except for me dad =/....
I can never start a conversation with him nor I can ever tell him anything about my recent life. Every time I am on the phone with him, I sounded like someone ripped out my vocal cord, "Hi dad.... nothing much.... I.....er...... ah. ......er.................................." (pulling my hair at this point)
To him, my recent life is a ______________________, and yes I left that part out because that's exactly what he thinks. It really frustrates him, it really frustrates me too.
I feel like I am always trying to find the right thing to say, but delayed too long, making the phone calls into awkward silences.
The worst part is there is no bad blood between us, I mean normal working dad, normal son(I hope), normal healthy family, there're no big fights or anything. So I don't know when it started, or what happened that make me not being able to talk to him.
Maybe I feel like I am not living up to his expectation, but ended up making things 10000 times worse by not telling him anything =/
ARGH! I am really hating myself about it =[
I can never start a conversation with him nor I can ever tell him anything about my recent life. Every time I am on the phone with him, I sounded like someone ripped out my vocal cord, "Hi dad.... nothing much.... I.....er...... ah. ......er.................................." (pulling my hair at this point)
To him, my recent life is a ______________________, and yes I left that part out because that's exactly what he thinks. It really frustrates him, it really frustrates me too.
I feel like I am always trying to find the right thing to say, but delayed too long, making the phone calls into awkward silences.
The worst part is there is no bad blood between us, I mean normal working dad, normal son(I hope), normal healthy family, there're no big fights or anything. So I don't know when it started, or what happened that make me not being able to talk to him.
Maybe I feel like I am not living up to his expectation, but ended up making things 10000 times worse by not telling him anything =/
ARGH! I am really hating myself about it =[
25.3.11
Dinner Time
This is probably the silliest rant ever, but why do people only call me during my dinner time, I mean seriously, all day long and not a single call and when I am eating, Bam! long phone calls....
I am fed up of eating cold dinner >=[
I am fed up of eating cold dinner >=[
28.2.11
Respect.
This morning mom text me:
ＲＥＳＰＥＣＴ！
祖母現在還是不穩定，腳無力，走路不穩，晚上睡不好，呼吸不順，但是樣樣還說‘我自己來’，不要人幫。看著一個慢慢移動的身體，給我不少的連想，祖母是個最普通的人，但那種獨立性格,卻令人敬佩。Roughly Translated to :Although Grandma is still not feeling well- having trouble breathing, Always tired, not sleeping well, she still say "I'll do it myself" all the time. She never asks for help. Looking at her slowly working, gave me a lot of thought. Grandma is an ordinary woman, but her independent personality is worth the highest respect.
ＲＥＳＰＥＣＴ！
1.2.11
Life, Death and Somewhere in Between
January is finally over. A lot had happened, and yet it has been one of my most unproductive times. As the title has stated, this post is all about life and death.
First of all, My cousin Margaret just had a new baby Girl named Jesslyn last month. Congratulation =P
She is my Nephew/Niece no. 10 on my mother's side, my huge family is just getting bigger haha. Isn't she just adorable..=P
But not all news are good news. 2 weeks ago, my friend's mother passed away and quite a couple of my Uni Friends attended the funeral. It was a really sad moment. And I can't help feeling guilty all that time, since I had always been telling her everything will be ok for the past year but what did I know. Although she seems like she is handling it well, i donno, everything's just weird.. it's also sad that this is the largest friends gathering since convo. =[
Everything happened in January makes me homesick. I actually haven't felt this way for the past 7 years. The last time I was this homesick was the first 3 months of my boarding school experience.
Anyways, that's it for the sobbing. Other than the life and death, I am somewhere in between, living, and baking a lot apparently (random)... anyways, that's another story.
PS. Le Concert is a really awesome movie... a lot better than expected. It is a French/ Russian movie about a world famous conductor being intercepted during a concerto and lost his job 30 years ago and has a crazy plot to gather up his old orchestra teammates and finally complete his Tchaikovsky concerto.
Richard's out.
She is my Nephew/Niece no. 10 on my mother's side, my huge family is just getting bigger haha. Isn't she just adorable..=P
But not all news are good news. 2 weeks ago, my friend's mother passed away and quite a couple of my Uni Friends attended the funeral. It was a really sad moment. And I can't help feeling guilty all that time, since I had always been telling her everything will be ok for the past year but what did I know. Although she seems like she is handling it well, i donno, everything's just weird.. it's also sad that this is the largest friends gathering since convo. =[
Everything happened in January makes me homesick. I actually haven't felt this way for the past 7 years. The last time I was this homesick was the first 3 months of my boarding school experience.
Anyways, that's it for the sobbing. Other than the life and death, I am somewhere in between, living, and baking a lot apparently (random)... anyways, that's another story.
PS. Le Concert is a really awesome movie... a lot better than expected. It is a French/ Russian movie about a world famous conductor being intercepted during a concerto and lost his job 30 years ago and has a crazy plot to gather up his old orchestra teammates and finally complete his Tchaikovsky concerto.
25.1.11
Food Channel
One thing I like to do is to watch food channel when I am hungry (like what I am doing right now =/)....LOL ... seriously what is wrong with me, I don't even know why I like to torture myself like that =P.... maybe it is like the Chinese saying of "望梅止渴"... which literally means stop you thirst by looking at juicy plums..... hmmmmm... sweet sweet juicy plums... LOL... that totally didn't work. I am more hungry now =P....
But ya..... you tend to starve yourself a lot when you are living alone... maybe it is an excuse, but it is just hard to cook for 1 person. Hard to get ingredients in small portions, hard to finish all the food you buy., hard to have new ideas. So instead, I watch "delicious miss dahl", "chuck's day off", "Nadia G's Bitchin' Kitchen", "jamie at home", "Chopped"..... probably in search of new inspiration, and easy recipes..... (I must admit that my culinary skill did improve a bit )
Anyhow, I don't even know where i am getting at now.... gonna go find food now, tootles
But ya..... you tend to starve yourself a lot when you are living alone... maybe it is an excuse, but it is just hard to cook for 1 person. Hard to get ingredients in small portions, hard to finish all the food you buy., hard to have new ideas. So instead, I watch "delicious miss dahl", "chuck's day off", "Nadia G's Bitchin' Kitchen", "jamie at home", "Chopped"..... probably in search of new inspiration, and easy recipes..... (I must admit that my culinary skill did improve a bit )
Anyhow, I don't even know where i am getting at now.... gonna go find food now, tootles
Dream
Last night I had a dream, correction, a dream within a dream (inception much =P). It is probably the first time I have one, at least it is the only one i remembered.
anyways, in my second layer, I remember I had a cavity, and then i touch the tooth and it started loosening. the cavity tooth finally fell out and all my other teeth started to come out one by one as well. At first I was nervous as hell and I remember my brother was beside me comforting me. I was thinking about how from now on i needed fake teeth and stuff. but when the last tooth fell out I suddenly realized it's only a dream and woke up from the second layer.
In the first layer (after i woke up from the teeth dream), I was in a dorm room, the room is kinda like my room in highschool with my desk from hk. anyways, I knew it's my room right away. then I got out and there's an empty living room with a couple people standing by the window. I knew they are my flatmates although I don't remember their faces.
An older lady in a suit came in the front door right after I met everyone and told us we had leave right away. I told her I haven't packed yet and she questioned why I didn't do it in advance. I rushed to my rooms and started looking for boxes and containers (funny thing, I packed my paper toys first out of everything ...LOL...what the heck was I thinking)... again my brother just came out of nowhere and helped me pack. While panicking I finally woke up.
I wouldn't say it's a horror dream, but it sure was unpleasing. I checked online about teeth loosing dreams and the answers were all about insecurity, not being able to take control and fear of growing old. I guess it kinda make sense since I donno what direction I am going towards in life. I am literally in the Limbo state of real life. Come to think of it, it's kinda funny (or sad) how all my bad dreams from when I was a kid are about vampires, ghosts and of course the finger chopping magician clown. And now all my bad dreams are about real life stress, lack of the sense of belonging and work. Life itself is ten times more frightening than the chopping clown.
Lastly I just wanna thank Nick for saving me all the time, even in my own imagination. I can't imagine a world without him.
anyways, in my second layer, I remember I had a cavity, and then i touch the tooth and it started loosening. the cavity tooth finally fell out and all my other teeth started to come out one by one as well. At first I was nervous as hell and I remember my brother was beside me comforting me. I was thinking about how from now on i needed fake teeth and stuff. but when the last tooth fell out I suddenly realized it's only a dream and woke up from the second layer.
In the first layer (after i woke up from the teeth dream), I was in a dorm room, the room is kinda like my room in highschool with my desk from hk. anyways, I knew it's my room right away. then I got out and there's an empty living room with a couple people standing by the window. I knew they are my flatmates although I don't remember their faces.
An older lady in a suit came in the front door right after I met everyone and told us we had leave right away. I told her I haven't packed yet and she questioned why I didn't do it in advance. I rushed to my rooms and started looking for boxes and containers (funny thing, I packed my paper toys first out of everything ...LOL...what the heck was I thinking)... again my brother just came out of nowhere and helped me pack. While panicking I finally woke up.
I wouldn't say it's a horror dream, but it sure was unpleasing. I checked online about teeth loosing dreams and the answers were all about insecurity, not being able to take control and fear of growing old. I guess it kinda make sense since I donno what direction I am going towards in life. I am literally in the Limbo state of real life. Come to think of it, it's kinda funny (or sad) how all my bad dreams from when I was a kid are about vampires, ghosts and of course the finger chopping magician clown. And now all my bad dreams are about real life stress, lack of the sense of belonging and work. Life itself is ten times more frightening than the chopping clown.
Lastly I just wanna thank Nick for saving me all the time, even in my own imagination. I can't imagine a world without him.
7.1.11
Mythical Powers
Sometimes I believe that i have mythical powers, and by that i meant the power to jinx things around me. Everything around me constantly breaks down or acting up on its own, that's right, I said on its own. I mean I am not clumsy or anything like that, but things just die on their own.
Lightblubs constantly burning out, batteries in appliances die one after another (in a row), plates cracking on their own (yes that really happened).... digital stuff acting all weird... etc.
I have this digital watch... the lightup function died a long time ago... and last week it started showing the wrong time so i took it off and put it on my desk... but 2 days ago... it's beeped so I checked on it and to my surprise it reset itself to 1/1/2002 12:00 and after i set the time back everything went back normal... right time right date even the lightup function is fixed ?! and now I am still wearing it...
I remember back in my Uni years... I researched a building and it closed down right after that (it's an inn).... another time I did a research on an architect and he died within a week (true story r.i.p.)
.... so tell me... is it a coincident or I am really a mysterious jinxster
Lightblubs constantly burning out, batteries in appliances die one after another (in a row), plates cracking on their own (yes that really happened).... digital stuff acting all weird... etc.
I have this digital watch... the lightup function died a long time ago... and last week it started showing the wrong time so i took it off and put it on my desk... but 2 days ago... it's beeped so I checked on it and to my surprise it reset itself to 1/1/2002 12:00 and after i set the time back everything went back normal... right time right date even the lightup function is fixed ?! and now I am still wearing it...
I remember back in my Uni years... I researched a building and it closed down right after that (it's an inn).... another time I did a research on an architect and he died within a week (true story r.i.p.)
.... so tell me... is it a coincident or I am really a mysterious jinxster
What's up
after talking to Shaniqua... Finally started blogging again...LOL... i donno... it might be fun... better than sitting around doing nothing =p
I wonder if I can keep this up... but it does seems nice to update yourself and to let your friends to see how you are doing..
anyways
it's 7/1/2011... this is Richard and I am out =p
I wonder if I can keep this up... but it does seems nice to update yourself and to let your friends to see how you are doing..
anyways
it's 7/1/2011... this is Richard and I am out =p
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